Harry Potter HBP

*WARNING: If you haven't seen the film, beware of spoilers.*

Ah, Harry Potter. The Holy Grail of a new generation of obsessive fanboys (myself included). What would we do without you? Is there any modern fantasy series out there that can even come close to being your rival and/or equal? And yes, I am aware that this would be a good place for a Twilight joke, but that would mean placing you, the reader, under the false impression that that franchise is even legitimate enough to be made fun of. But I digress.

If you don't know the premise (which means you've likely been living under a rock), boy wizard Harry Potter is about to enter his sixth year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, where, for some reason, everything now looks dull, lifeless and gray. Seriously, what is up with the color palette in this movie?? Did the cinematographer just forget to take his happy pills?

In a nutshell, the central plot consists of Harry and Professor Dumbledore attempting throughout the year to find Lord Voldemort's weakness by examining memories. Meanwhile, Harry becomes suspicious of his classmate and enemy Draco Malfoy, and tries to find out what dark deeds he may be up to.

The subplot(s): Puberty has finally hit our heroes like a ton of pheromone-filled bricks and all the students are now incredibly horny.


ER...SORRY, PROFESSOR, WE FORGOT ORGIES AREN`T ALLOWED ON SCHOOL GROUNDS.

Like the previous two adaptations of some of the heftier books in the series, the film provides an extremely truncated version of the plot of the novel it is based on. This, of course, means that virtually all the scenes showing Voldemort's backstory are omitted (with the exception of the scene where Dumbledore meets him for the first time as Tom Riddle as well as the discovery of the Horcruxes), and the whole mystery behind the Half-Blood Prince is barely even glanced over. I mean, what the hell? Literally all they choose to do with this sub-plot can be summed up like this:

1) Harry uses the Prince's advice to win Felix Felicis.

2) He uses the Sectumsempra curse on Malfoy.

3) After seeing the damage he did, his friends encourage him to hide the book in the Room of Requirement.

And that's it! From this point on, we see neither hide nor hair of this sub-plot 'till the climax (more on that later) when Snape just reveals out of the blue that he is the Half-Blood Prince. Barely a hint of any kind of build-up, and barely any payoff:

SNAPE: You dare use my own spells against me, Potter? That`s right...I`M the Half-Blood Prince! (looks at the director) Um...line? (pause) What, that...that`s it? No...final monologue or even a witty exit line or ANYTHING?? (pause) Oh, fine. Be that way. (stalks off, grumbling) Man, you guys had better do my death justice in the last movie or I`m gonna set the fangirls on you. Yeah, I`m talking to you, Kloves!

Now, you might think this is merely the nitpicking of another fanboy purist. Even so, you'd think they might've paid a little more attention to this particular subplot. I mean, it's not absolutely crucial to the main story or anything, it`s only the reason behind the TITLE OF THE FRIGGIN` MOVIE. HELLO?

Okay, nerd rant over. Time to look at the film on its own.

First, the scripting. I have to say, aside from the subplot surrounding the eponymous Prince, I was actually pretty amazed at how evenly handled the different plotlines were, perhaps more than any other Potter film. We get some nice, steady doses of the main plot (Harry and Dumbledore, Harry vs. Malfoy) alongside all the mushy romantic stuff, with almost equal attention devoted to both. Another reason to praise the cleverness of the writing is that the scenes devoted to the trials and tribulations of puberty and budding romance are far from what I would call mushy, sappy or anything similarly worth bashing in a review like this.

*MUST RESIST URGE TO MAKE TWILIGHT JOKE*

The scenes with Ron and Hermione, Ron and Lavender, Harry and Ginny, etc. were all written in a way that may be the first instance of the screenwriter treating these characters like real people with realistic mindsets. Everything is subtle and downplayed to just the right degree. The first example that I would use is the scene where Hermione sees Ron making out with Lavender for the first time and is distraught, leaving promptly after. Harry notices, and goes out to check on her. As she cries softly, she asks Harry about how it feels when he sees Ginny and Dean kissing like that. After a while, he sits with her and responds, ''It feels like this''.

No sappy, pseudo-flowery bullshit, just one aptly placed line to show how both these characters feel. You have done well here, Mr. Kloves.

Next, the performances. The three leads in this film are...not really any different from their portrayals in the last five films. Granted, the dialogue they have to work with is a vast improvement over the previous few installments, but the delivery is...pretty much the same. Not incredible, but certainly not horrible. Adequately satisfying is the word.

The performances that really stood out, in my mind, were those of Jessie Cave as the girlfriend from hell Lavender Brown and Jim Broadbent as the doddering, vain, but otherwise likable Horace Slughorn.

Cave is, in a word, hilarious as Lavender. Her scenes with Ron carried a lot of the comedy of the film. Whenever this clingy, whiny, annoying bitch (the character, not the actress) appeared onscreen, I couldn't help but actually cringe for Ron's lamentable plight of being temporarily stuck with her.

Broadbent is a find, being unbelievably believable as Slughorn. There's something about his character that seems rather contradictory: he shamelessly sucks up to the famous and powerful, he's got an ego the size of Hogwarts itself, he serves as a huge obstacle to Harry and Dumbledore's mission because he's too much of a pansy to face up to the fact that he essentially helped the wizarding equivalent of Hitler to rise to power...and somehow, we can't help but like the old fart. Probably due to his comic potential. Whatever the reason, Broadbent manages to capture all aspects of this character (the socialite and the coward) in what may be the only truly flawless transition from page to screen in this film series so far.

The final noteworthy performance in this film, arguably a summary of performances in the series as a whole, is that of Sir Michael Gambon as the man himself, Albus Dumbledore. Some fans out there have placed the argument that the films have essentially gone to shit ever since the original Dumbledore, Richard Harris, died in 2002. After seeing PoA, GoF and OotP for the first time, I was initially inclined to disagree. However, after seeing the character die onscreen and receive a nice sendoff (or not), I look back now with a slightly different opinion. While I wouldn't say that the films as a whole went downhill, I have to say that Gambon's Dumbledore definitely...lacked a little something.

We know that Dumbledore is one of the best-loved characters in the Potter universe, for many reasons. We respect him because of his immense wisdom and kickass sorcery (rings of fire, anyone?), but we also liked him because of his light and whimsical sense of humour and his eccentric nature. Ever the gracious and patient man even in the face of his worst enemies, his death was a terrible blow to fans everywhere because we got to know all sides of this character. Harris` Dumbledore greatly captured the kindly, wise, lovably strange old man that was Dumbledore and all I can say is that it is a pity we never really got to see him in action. Gambon`s Dumbledore, on the other hand, is wise, to be sure, but...well, to my mind, he just didn`t come across as very Dumbledore-ish in terms of personality. He brooded a lot more, and was a little too serious even when the occasion didn`t really call for it.

What we cannot deny, however, is the badass that he really is. Don`t believe me? Just wait for the scene where they`re in the cave fighting off a horde of Gollum clones...er...I mean, Inferi, when out of nowhere, you see him conjure to their aid a FUCKING RING OF FIRE, BITCH!!!


GANDALF CAN CHOKE ON THESE WRINKLY OLD NUTS.

Seriously, though, when Snape finally pulled the Killing Curse on him and he fell from the tower, it didn`t quite have the heart-rending shock I had come to expect, and I blame this on the fact that we didn`t get to know any side to Dumbledore other than the brooding badass. And if you`ve seen the film, you`ll probably be able to join me in asking, ''What the hell happened to the funeral?'' All they can say is they`d better include it somewhere in the final two films, if they don`t want to suffer the flame-spewing wrath that is DUMBLEDORE!!!

And finally, I feel it is my duty to comment on I felt was the weakest, most disappointing aspect of the film: the climax. In another step-by-step recap:

1) Harry and Dumbledore Apparate back to Hogwarts from the cave. Dumbledore tells Harry to find Snape.

2) Draco finds Dumbledore and tries to kill him, but can`t. A bunch of other Death Eaters arrive. Snape comes in, kills Dumbledore as per the plot of the book.

3) Harry chases after Snape and the Death Eaters, gets knocked flat on his ass a few times, and Snape reveals that he is the Half-Blood Prince, then slinks off.

Now this follows the basic structure of the novel`s climax, right? Except it`s missing one tiny little detail: THE FUCKING BATTLE. Where the hell was everybody?? The DA, the Order of the Phoenix?? Was the whole castle asleep while all this was happening?


OH, SHIT, OUR HEADMASTER`S DEAD! GEE, IF ONLY SOME OF US HAD BEEN AWAKE AND PATROLLING THE SCHOOL INSTEAD OF ONLY RELYING ON CLEARLY SHITTY AUROR PROTECTION...OH, WELL!

To its credit, however, the school`s recognition of its leader`s death does result in what might be the most powerful and moving moment in any of these movies. Too bad it only lasts about ten seconds.

So, to sum it all up, to me this movie had its ups and downs, but it did have more ups than downs. Subtle and intelligent writing coupled with performances that range from decent to downright magical (not to mention some pretty satisfying action scenes aside from the final act) definitely make this a movie you should check out if you haven`t already. And if you manage to make it through the trailer for New Moon without choking on your own vomit, then consider it a well-earned reward.

God, I hate Twilight.

Have a nice day.



--Vishesh